Detta är en totalt fjantig historia, plagierad friskt från diverse verk av Monty Python, och influerad av Piratpartiets internpolitik. Eventuella likheter med verkliga individer finnes här och var och skall tas med en nypa salt och gärna ett flin. Ibland hamnar man i ett läge där byråkratin blir närmast bisarr och då känns det uppfriskande att distansiera sig med en nypa humor.
Chairman: So, we are gathered here today to discuss our plans on how we are to get seats in the parliament. The ultimate goal, of course, is to ensure every man’s right…
Pirate Loretta: And woman’s!
Chairman: … every man’s and woman’s right…
Pirate Albert: And transperson!
Chairman: … fine. Every man’s and woman’s and transperson’s right to download whatever he or she want from the Internet.
Pirate Mange: And decrease the mosquito-infestation in Lappland.
Chairman: Would you care to elaborate on that, member Mange?
Pirate Mange: Well, the annual mosquito-invasion in the northern parts of Sweden is a great hindrance to construction workers during the summertime. They can’t put new cables in the ground before the ground freezes again, thus making it impossible to connect new households to the Internet. The mosquitoes in Lappland is clearly an issue for the Pirate Party.
Chairman: Fine. As of this moment, I declare that the Pirate Party is now working to ensure every man’s and woman’s and transperson’s right to download whatever he or she want from the Internet, AND the extermination of the Lappland mosquitoes. Next issue, we have a local branch that wants to start their own party instead of working with us.
Pirate Loretta: Why are they discontent?
Chairman: Apparently, they are unhappy with our administrative bureaucracy at district level, and they want their own PayPal-account.
Pirate Loretta: Oh. My. Can’t we just create a PayPal-account for them and improve the administration on that level?
Chairman: I am afraid it is not possible. The splitters are forming an anarcho-syndicalist commune and they find it quite unacceptable to receive any “boon from above”, as this would reinforce the hierarchical structures that they have now abandoned. They just want a fair potion of party funds, no questions asked.
Pirate Annie: But what about the book keeping?
Chairman: It seems they are also not acknowledging books, as they want to implement an oral economical function based on trust and puppy-eyes.
President Trick: What the FUCK! That’s embesslement!
Chairman: President Trick, we took a vote on this last week when you were conveniently away. We decided that you must take full responsibility for the organization, but that you cannot speak, as it would be an unfair advantage for the person responsible to influence the decision making. That would be bias. You could influence us to your own advantage. It’s very important that the person responsible says nothing.
President Trick: But that’s insane! I didn’t agree to this!
Chairman: You are still talking.
President Prick: But…
Chariman: Shut up.
President Prick: Arrrrgggghhhhh you stabbed me with a fucking knife!
Pirate Mange: Get him in the eye!
President Trick: Arrrrrghgggghghhhhh…..
Chariman: Now then, where were we…
Pirate Loretta: You assassinated our party president! Now who will be responsible for our decisions? We need to elect a new one.
Chairman: What a nuisance. Well, why don’t we give this anarcho-syndicalist commune-thing a try? We can take turns implementing the decisions of rotating committees every other week, and give every member the opportunity to part-take in the decision-making though facebook polls, organized by each bi-weekly committee.
Pirate Annie: Great, I’ll set up the facebook account. What colour should the background be?
Chairman: That wraps up that issue. Now, where do we hide the body?
Pirate Mange: Chairman, you can’t just cut in line. We have 78 other issues at hand. Look, we are at number 3 now. You can enter the motion to hide the ex-president’s body as number 79. We should get to it in early May.
President Trick: I’m not dead yet…
Chairman: Right. Issue number 4, then. Pirate Annie has submitted a motion stating that we should work to remove the age-limit for democratic elections. Now, really, how is allowing toddlers to vote in the parliament elections a Pirate issue?
Pirate Annie: Pirates have babies, don’t they?
Chairman: I suppose. But as you have probably seen on the front page of Aftonbladet, some of us use condoms. A lot.
Pirate Annie: Well, think of how many extra voters we will gain if we remove the minimum age for voting? We are strong with the teens, and I am sure that the toddlers can be persuaded as well. We can hand out plastic swords and eye-patches to convert them to our cause.
Chairman: Good point. Let’s put the removal of age-limits for democratic elections on the party program, and also encourage pirates to have unprotected sex as much as possible, in order to create more voters.
Pirate Kristian: I have a question of session formality, could we have a gentle spanking session?
Chairman: All in favour of a gentle spanking session, say YARR.
Chairman: I find a majority in favour. Bring forth the holy spankyspoon of Bruxelles!
...And there was much rejoicing.